Journey Man

Contentment Where Are You?

2010-01-27T05:53:00.002-06:00

Once again, I have made a commitment that I did not keep. O wretched man that I am.... Any way, I had promised myself I would blog more but the demands of life and the roller coaster I call my life has seemed to choke out that commitment. Be that as it may, no guilt, no shame, I am on the blogging bandwagon again. I hope someone is reading this but if not at least I am giving voice to the things that God has put in my heart.

This week I started a new job. Not that I wanted a new job, but the old one seemed to be going broke and they had the nerve to "eliminate" my position. So for the last two months and thirteen days (but whose counting) I have been on the hunt for a new job. Thankfully I started Monday in the role of a hospice chaplain. Several people have heard me tell them of my new job and they have looked at me a little strange and then gave that disgusted look they give someone who deals with death. "Isn't that depressing?" they would ask. "How can you do that knowing that the people you deal with will be dead within a short time?" And honestly I can say no, its not depressing. In fact it's the opposite. When I begin to hear the stories of those who know their time is limited, it makes me want to live in a way that when it comes my time to depart this earth I can remember with fondness the life I have lived. Today's blog is a case in point.

One of my new patients is a 92 year old woman. At 92 she has led a an amazing life but she knows that the end is near. As I spoke with her and her husband she shared with me pieces of her life that blessed me to no end. She told me of a hard life that both her and her husband lived. They didn't have much money and they lived through some of the hardest times our country has ever seen. However even in the midst of their needs they found contentment. She acknowledge the fact that they worked hard growing up and through most of their adult life but at the end of the day they were happy. They had learned the art of counting their blessings and living each day to it's fullest. I could have sat and listened for hours of some of their life experiences but I had others to see so I was only able to stay and hour or so. But during our short visit I felt like I had walked onto Holy ground. No the house wasn't fancy or well decorated. In fact it was old, run down and dirty. But what made it Holy ground was the fact that I could see God in that place. Because of this 92 year old woman I heard from God. Over the last several months I had found myself becoming a complainer. Complaining about not having a job, complaining about what I had lost, complaining about how things hadn't turned out the way I had wanted or prayed. But at that moment with my new friend, I saw God at work. If this woman who was in the last few weeks of life with very little of what the world would call success could be content and happy then why couldn't I. I felt embarrassed and ashamed at what I had become. But Father, as he often does, gently reached down and loved me and directed me back on the path. So I am trying to rest more in the presence of Father and being thankful for the amazing gifts I have in my life. Am I rich? Not according to what the world defines. Is every area in my life perfect? Not by a long shot. But I am blessed by God and I can rest in that today. My journey is taking me down the road of contentment and I am committed to stay on that road and become a man who is thankful. A man who is strong, honest, courageous and thankful....

Something to think about!

Blessings
Ralph

You deserve to be happy

2009-05-10T16:59:00.001-05:00

If anyone has been checking, they have obviously noticed that my blogging has been silent for quite a while. Well, there really isn’t an excuse other than my life has taken a drastic turn and I find myself facing life from a different perspective. I once thought I knew how my life would turn out, but some how it takes turns that you never would have thought or imagined. Fortunately, I am still alive and have found solace in family and friends. So my goal is to take the blogging mantle back up and express myself through my words and feelings once again.

Today’s blog reflects a conversation I had recently with a friend. My friend, like me has been through some hard and painful life experiences. Like me, some of my friend’s pain has been at the hands of other while some of the pain has been as a result of their own actions. As I talked with my friend they said something that took me by surprise yet reminded me of some of my own thoughts in the past. My friend was sharing some of their pain when they said “maybe I don’t deserve to be happy”. It brought me back to many of my own self limiting thoughts and the shame that I felt in the past (I wish I could say I never have them any more.) I assured my friend that God was not eternally mad at them and that their past didn’t have to dictate their future. Yes we do things that end up hurting people and creating pain but if those actions ended our future then who among us would have a future. It reminds me of the woman caught in adultery and then brought to Jesus. All of the religious leaders of the day were ready to condemn the woman (where was the man by the way?)and stone her to death. They brought her to Jesus first to test him on this seeming no brainer. They said to him in John 8 “"Now in the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women; what then do you say?" Jesus didn’t answer them at first but bent down to write in the dirt. But the leaders wanted to keep pressing for and answer But when they persisted in asking Him, He straightened up, and said to them, "He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." If you know the story, you know that the leaders one by one dropped their stones and walked away. Jesus simple response to the woman was I do not condemn you, go and sin no more. All of us have fallen prey to sin and find ourselves guilty before God. None of us are good enough on our own, all of us, if we are judged by this standard, do not deserve to enjoy life or be happy. But that’s not the good news. The good news is that we are not condemned, we are loved. We are loved more that we will ever know, we are loved without doing a thing.

If you are reading this and you too have felt shamed, and guilty for the wrong that you have done and believe that you don’t deserve to be happy again. Let me assure you of the words of our Father, you are loved with an everlasting love.

I came across this video clip a long time ago but its words are so true. Please take the next 6 minutes and allow its words to sink into your heart. Go and celebrate the love the Father has for you.

Peace
Ralph

Hope-Don't Give Up

2008-12-05T22:05:00.002-06:00

Hope is an amazing thing. With it, we can do just about anything. We can dream big dreams, make lots of plans, sleep deep sleep and smile at the world. Without it, you can not imagine making it to the next breath, you can not rest and great sadness covers your every thought. Hope is what we all hold onto when we wake up each morning and face the day. Recently I was challenged to fill in the blank to the following statement; I hope that _______. I had to think long and hard about this because I suddenly had the stark realization that I had lost my hope. The words seem to rattle around my mind trying to find something to hang at the end of that statement. I hope that ………. As others filled in their blanks I could barely hear what they were saying as my thoughts raced to the things I hoped for. It was a very dark place as I searched for something that I could hope for. I thought about all of the things that I hoped for in my life and how many of them had died or disappeared into nothingness. My thoughts raced through my memory bank of scripture verses and biblical accounts. My mind landed on the story of the prodigal son who selfishly demanded his share of the inheritance only to squander it on unwise living. It was at the point of craving the slop given to the pigs that he had hope. Hope that if he could just go back and live as a servant in his father’s house he would make it. His hope wasn’t to be restored to honor; it was merely a hope that he could live the rest of his life in servitude to his family. Of course if you know the story, the father restored more than the son could imagine or hope. Instead of being restored as a slave, he was restored to a place of honor as a son. Even the small bit oh hope that the son had was enough to carry him to places he could not have imagined or dreamed. But he had hope. It was not much, but it was hope. The second story that came to my remembrance was the story of Job. A man who at the beginning oh his story had a great hope. He had been blessed with great wealth, a great family and great promise for the future. However, Job finds himself in a place where everything he had, wealth, belongings, servants and family was whipped out in a blink of the eye. The amazing thing was that Job never lost hope. His friends accused him of great sin, his body was racked with pain, and even his wife lost all hope and told Job to “curse God and die”. The life that was so full, the hope that was so real, everything he possessed had vanished for almost everyone. Everyone but Job that is. Job didn’t know all hope was lost. Instead Job held steadfast in the midst of all of his tragedy and said that though He slay me, yet will I trust him. Job somehow was able to find hope in the midst of his tragedy. As I was trying to process these two stories I thought to myself that I needed to find this kind of hope. Even if it was a small bit of hope like the lost son had I needed to find it. So once again I fired up all brain power to finish the statement “I hope that _______. However I still could not find anything to fill in the blank. I couldn’t find even the smallest thing that I could hope for. So I spent the next several hours thinking what could I hope for. Finally, with the help of a friend, I came to the place that I could say, I hope that I can come to a place in my life that I have hope. While I know this is not a great breakthrough or a spiritual mountaintop, it is a place to start. Like the lost son I hope to find that place and have hope to move, to breath, to dream and to live. So what do you fill in the blank today? What do you have hope for? Fill in the blank and let me know what you are hoping for. I hope that ________.

Think about it,

Peace,
Ralph

Are you thankful?

2008-11-26T23:18:00.001-06:00

As we approach the day of Thanksgiving I am sitting here thinking about things I could be thankful for. However, as I do I think about all of the things that have happened in 2008 and how many of them overshadow and darken a heart of gratitude. There have been many things that have broken my heart this year and left me wondering where the good in my life is? I have thought about this for a long time, maybe too long, and have thought how can God do as he promised and “work all things together for the good”? Many Christians typically use this phrase when they know someone going through an extremely hard time and they don’t know what to say. It is in these situations they say things like “God won’t give you more than you can handle” or “God must have something really good in store for you’ or one of my favorites “Good is good, all the time”. While I agree with all of these in principle, it is hard to find value and solace in these statements when you are broken and bleeding. It is in those “dark nights of your soul” when it is hard to see any good and be thankful. Don’t get me wrong, I have so many things to be thankful for this year; friends (love you more) , family, fighting cancer and winning (so far), I have a job I love, …..So many things. But even in the midst of these things I still find it a struggle to give thanks. Maybe you too have come to this holiday and wish it would just disappear or even better you would be able to just disappear. I know these feelings have been very prominent in my thinking pattern of late. However, the other day I was talking with a friend and I said something that I wasn’t sure I meant or it just came out from religious habit. I said something to the fact that you never know how something is going to turn out so you can’t allow it to steal your joy and gratitude. Who knows if that lost job will lead you to something bigger and better. Who knows if that broken relationship might lead you to a deeper dependence in God. The truth of the matter is we have no idea how things that seemingly seem bad in our life could turn out for the good. I think to the story of Abraham and Isaac. God had asked Abraham to sacrifice his one and only son, a bad thing. But Abraham knew that obedience to God was a good thing so he followed God. If you have read the story, you know that Abraham took Isaac up the mountain and laid him down to be sacrificed. But as Abraham raised the knife an angel of the Lord called to him to stop. The angel then gave Abraham a great blessing; “I will surely bless you and make your descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and the sand on the seashore.” You see, what Abraham thought would be bad (losing his son) ended up to be a blessing to him and to all of Abraham’s descendants. To me, one of the lessons we can learn from this is to never see something in your life and label it as bad and the end of your life. Only God knows what can be done with the pain and brokenness of your life. God is still in the business of giving us beauty for ashes. So if you are in that same place I have been and are down, depressed and alone. Don’t forget that the end of your story is not written. What is broken today may be the seeds of a great healing and restoration in the not so distant future. Stop labeling everything bad and good and allow it to be what it is. Find something that you can be thankful for today and know that tomorrow is a brand new day and the rest is still unwritten.

Peace,
Ralph

Are You Lonesome Tonight-2

2008-11-09T17:01:00.001-06:00

I have been looking at the idea of loneliness and what it means for a person to struggle with being lonely. I talked last time about what I think the core of loneliness is. What I think, and what I have experienced, is that the essence of loneliness is isolation. Isolation from people and isolation from God. This concept implies that if we are lonely then it is a choice on our part. It is the person who is lonely that has chosen to isolate themselves from those around them and from God. I also stated last time that even though we isolate ourselves from others, the issue of isolating ourselves from God is the primary cause of our loneliness. If I am honest, I have been in a season of loneliness. I find I despise the moments that I am all alone. When I am home and there is no one to talk to, tell my story to, cry with or confide in I feel very empty and alone. In theory, I know that I have friends I can call or that God is with me. In theory, that is true but in practice I can still feel the sting of loneliness. I know and understand that I have to be comfortable with being alone but it is so hard. I have tried all of the religious recommendations of just praying more, reading my bible more, listening to Christian music but it doesn’t seem to help. What I have found helpful is opening up my heart and just crying out to God. God already knows what you are feeling but He wants you to draw close to Him and allow him to fill those broken and empty holes in your heart. I know that I have many wounds and heartbreaks that cause me to withdraw and isolate. But if I can just acknowledge the pain, be honest about it and bring it to Father then, and only then, can I begin to come out of the darkness of loneliness. It’s scary and hard because our tendencies are to avoid those things that bring us the greatest pain. But it is when we take that pain and open it up before God that we see loneliness withdraw and intimacy with God fill our hearts. God knows out hurt, He knows our pain and he doesn’t want us to isolate ourselves and hide with it. He longs for us to run into his arms and allow him to heal our hearts and fill the voids. So are you lonesome tonight? If you are, stop hiding and take your broken heart to Father. Let me know what you think,

Peace
Ralph

Perspective

2008-11-04T08:31:00.000-06:00

I want to take a brief detour from talking about loneliness to visit a recent event.

Last week was a very challenging week for me. An incredibly amazing person left this world and is now in the presence of God. You would think that a person would get used to the process of life and death but I have to say that after 20 plus years of ministry I am not. Holding hands, crying, reminiscing and seeing a person so full of life take their last breath. It’s a sacred moment when someone passes from life to death. From flesh and blood to spirit. Sacred yet painful. But death is a beautiful mystery, an amazing transaction. Paul gives a great description of this process in 2 Corinthians 5;

“For we know that if the earthly tent which is our house is torn down, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. 2 For indeed in this house we groan, longing to be clothed with our dwelling from heaven.”

While we who are left behind are faced with the loss of a loved one, those who have perished are celebrating this amazing transition. From an earthly, pain filled, body to a glorious “dwelling from heaven”. I must admit that as I walked with the family through this death I was deeply grieved and broken. Because of their needs, I remained strong while with them but privately wept at the loss of this dear woman. The sting of death is real; the pain of loss is indescribable. There is no way we can deny this pain. However if we are able to take an eternal perspective, a glimpse from heaven, we can see that death has lost its sting, death has lost its victory. Paul, in 1 Corinthians 15 speaks to this idea.

“For this perishable must put on the imperishable, and this mortal must put on immortality. 54 But when this perishable will have put on the imperishable, and this mortal will have put on immortality, then will come about the saying that is written, "DEATH IS SWALLOWED UP in victory. 55 "O DEATH, WHERE IS YOUR VICTORY? O DEATH, WHERE IS YOUR STING?"”

It’s amazing how something so holy, so amazing, so glorious can still be so painful. Like everything in life it’s a matter of perspective. One event that seems to be devastating and hopeless can actually be something great. A moment of great pain can actually be the beginning of healing. It’s all a matter of perspective. If we could only for a moment look at life, and death, the way God looks at it. If only we could look ahead and see what our stories reveal. If only God would write out the plan so we could skip to the last page to make sure it all works out. If only…….. Remember it’s all a matter of perspective. Whether it’s the death of a loved one, the loss of a relationship, the loss of a job, whatever it is don’t forget to take a different perspective. God is still in the business of giving beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning and the garment of praise for a spirit of heaviness. Don’t be so lost in the now that you loose your way, loose your perspective. What you see as painful, hard, and devastating now may be just the thing that takes you into a new realm of living. Think about it.

Peace
Ralph

Are you lonesome tonight?

2008-10-25T19:50:00.000-05:00

Are You Lonesome Tonight?

Have you ever been lonely?

Loneliness is defined in the dictionary like this; Loneliness is an emotional state in which a person experiences a powerful feeling of emptiness and isolation. Have you ever felt emptiness and isolation? Have you ever been alone? Being alone isn’t often categorized as a good thing. Being alone seems to indicate that there is no one who wants or desires to be around you. By that definition, who would want to be alone? However, I have discovered that you can be in a room full of people and still feel lonely. So the proximity of people does not seem to be the criteria for loneliness. Loneliness seems to be more of an indicator of isolation. Isolation from people but more importantly isolation from God. Loneliness is based upon the understanding that I am not enough to be around anyone or that anyone would want to be around me, including God. God assures us that first of all we are never alone. Hebrews 13:5 states “"Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." So if God never leaves us how can we truly be alone? And if loneliness is being isolated who was it that chose isolation? Was it our friends, was it our family, was it God? Of course the answer is none of those things. Because the only feasible answer is we are the ones who chose to live in isolation from God. But how does that happen, how do we intentionally isolate ourselves from the God of the universe? And not only how, but why? If you are reading this, chime in as we continue to pursue this idea of loneliness and isolation.

Peace
Ralph

The Man in The Mirror

2008-09-14T20:36:00.000-05:00

By the title of this blog you might think that I am a little vain. But truth be known, I have been know to take a few moments to look at myself in the mirror. I know that this may be a little bit too much self disclosure, but there is a method to my madness. After I had my surgery for skin cancer I couldn't help looking in the mirror. I would study what used to be my nose and the progress of a skilled plastic surgeon rebuilding me. However, over time I switched my look from my nose, or what was left of it, to my eyes. Once again, at the risk of disclosing too much information, I have to admit that I would look deep into my eyes and wonder who that man was looking back at me. I want to be true to my heart and follow what God has put into my heart but there have been days that I have not succeeded. What I have begun to discover is that I have surrendered my heart so much I forgot what it was that was in my heart that was so good. Over the years I have put my heart on hold so that I could please everyone else. I was more interested in their heart and making them happy that I forgot I had a heart. Now, because of all the trials, hard ship and tragedy I have experienced, I am wondering what it is that is in my heart. Many of my friends tell me I have a good heart but there are days I wonder. I wonder what it is I want. What good things are in my heart. I think about King David who got himself in some big trouble yet scripture says he had a heart after God. I want to have that kind of heart. Not the problems he had but the heart he had. I want my heart to be a heart for God. When I look in the mirror i want to see a man who is expressing his heart, the heart the God gave him. I want to be a man who is proud of who he is and who God made him to be. So at the risk of being vain, let me challenge you to look at yourself in the mirror. Look deeply into your own eyes and ask yourself are you the man or woman that God has made you to be. Are you expressing your heart? Think about it and let it challenge you today.

Peace
Ralph

Wrestling with God

2008-09-01T17:41:00.000-05:00

I have had multiple opportunities to be alone over the last several weeks. In most instances, I would hate to be alone. I am a people person and I gain energy from being in groups and around new people. But much to my dismay there I was alone. As you might imagine, being alone with your thoughts can be a scary proposition. But in the midst of my thoughts I was faced with the reality of the question "what do I want". I was reminded of a man in the Bible who found himself alone with his thoughts and ended up wrestling with God.

24 Then Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him until daybreak. 25 When he saw that he had not prevailed against him, he touched the socket of his thigh; so the socket of Jacob's thigh was dislocated while he wrestled with him. 26 Then he said, "Let me go, for the dawn is breaking." But he said, "I will not let you go unless you bless me." 27 So he said to him, "What is your name?"

Have you ever wrestled with God? Being alone seems to be a prime time to wrestle with God. It is at that point of being away from outside influences that you often find yourself wrestling with God. The interesting thing about Jacob's encounter with God is two-fold. First, Jacob was so determined to be blessed that he would not give up. I, like Jacob, want to be so desperate for God's blessings (wisdom, understanding, peace, etc.) that I am unwilling to give up until I find that blessing. The second thing that strikes me about Jacob's encounter is that his divine wrestling partner asks him his name. I find that so interesting because at that point Jacob could not hide who he was. Jacob (deceiver) was more than just his name, it was his way of life. He had been a deceiver his whole life. He was marked by his choices of deception. In this encounter, God does not shame or reject Jacob, He simply wants to make sure Jacob understands who he has been. Once Jacob proclaims who he has been (deceiver) God then gives him a new name and a new identity. Instead of being a deceiver he would now be a father of many nations (Israel). As I have been processing this story and thinking about the place I find myself in I too have been wrestling with God. And like Jacob, God has been asking me to understand my identity and who I have been. As I have confessed who I have become God has lovingly reminded me that even though that is what I have done, it is not who I am. I am a strong, honest and courageous man. That is who God has called me to be and that is how he desires me to live. Like Jacob, after he wrestled with God he walked in a way that reflected his battle with God. Though Jacob limped physically, I am finding myself limping emotionally. I don't think the wrestling match is over but I am finding a new resolve to hold on to God until I find that blessing. I refuse to be what I have been or live according to my old self. I will continue to wrestle and I will not let go. I don't know when I will come out on the other side, but I know I will and I know God is at work. So don't be afraid to be alone and don't be afraid to wrestle. Hold on tight and get ready to be changed.

Peace
Ralph

Are You Burning?

2008-07-11T16:18:00.000-05:00

I have been teaching a study group on 1 Corinthians. It has been a great, but challenging study. Today we studied chapter 9. At the end of the chapter Paul talks about his passion for preaching the gospel

24 Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives the prize? Run R354 in such a way that you may win. 25 Everyone who competes in the games exercises self-control in all things. They then do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. 26 Therefore I run in such a way, as not without aim; I box in such a way, as not beating the air.

I am constantly struck by Paul's passion and commitment to the task he was called to. Earlier in the verse he say he would rather die than stop what he is doing. As I read those words I am challenged as to my passion. Most days it feels like I am going through the motions with very little fire or passion. I live my life but it feels like I am missing something. It feels like I am just surviving.

A few weeks ago I viewed the new Pixar movie called Wall-E. In the movie there is a scene where the people have evacuated earth because it has become unable to sustain life. After several years of living in the safety of there space home wall-e discovers that there is proof that life once again exists on earth. The captain of the ship is filled with hope because they can return to earth once again. However there are other forces on the ship that want to stop the ship from returning. The pivotal scene takes place where the captain is told that they need to stay on the ship so they can survive. The captain says "I don't want to survive, I want to live". That line echoed so deeply in my heart and reflects the truth Paul proclaims in 1 Corinthians. Paul lived his life in a way that could lead to pain, imprisonment and death. He lived with reckless passion with little concern for his personal safety or well being. Paul did not play it safe. He wanted his life to matter, he wanted to live not survive.

The question that you and I must wrestle with, is the question of passion. Are we living our life with fire, with passion, with reckless abandon? Are we, like Paul, running to win? If I am not careful, I can easily settle into comfort and habit. I like predictability and uniformity. I like knowing what to expect from myself and others. I can survive very easily like this. However, what I discover is that within a very short time I feel bored and empty. Surviving is not how our life was meant to be lived. We were made for purpose, for passion, for life. How are you living you life? Are you surviving or are you living? Are you running to win or are you OK with just showing up? I am wrestling with myself to find that place of passion. Am I OK with just settling or do I want to step out and run? Passion and fire are OK to talk about, but the truth of the matter is they can also create friction and pain. If you follow passion, it's not always comfortable or easy. You will be stretched, challenged and moved. But in the end if you follow the passion God has put into your heart you will find yourself in the midst of a place of amazing life and joy. So what's it going to be, survive or live? The only person stopping you from following your passion is you.

Think about it!

Peace
Ralph

This is your life

2008-06-28T21:05:00.000-05:00

This is your life, are you who you want to be?

Most of our life we try to figure out who we are and what we want to be. From our earliest days people around us begin to ask the questions; "what do you want to be when you grow up?" For me, I know most of my life has been trying to live up to what was expected of me. I am one of seven kids and the only one who went to college. From my early memories I remember my parents saying "he is the smart one" or "he is our good child". So for as long as I remember I lived to please my parents and in some way gain value and worth if I did enough. However it never seemed like it was enough. If I would get all A's and one B the question would be asked about that one B. I know my parents loved me but inadvertently they gave me a desire to perform so I could be accepted, loved and valued. I don't blame them for my short comings, I just know that has become part of my emotional baggage. Even in ministry, I did all the right things, said all the right things, and acted in all the appropriate ways so I could please everyone and therefore be valued and approved. But in the end I struggle with the thought of who I am. Who am I really? Am I a good son, and obedient child, and good pastor, or .......... In my journey I am starting to understand that this is my life and it's up to me how I live it. No one can tell me what's right or good or perfect for my life. God has given me this life to live and there are no do overs.

I am teaching a lesson tomorrow on God being the giver of all life. I believe that to be true. In Psalm 139:14, the author writes; "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made". It was God's idea to create me and to make me the person I am. When he created me, he made me wonderfully and fearfully. If I believe that to be true then I have to take this gift called my life and live it to the fullest for God's glory. But as I ponder the question from this song, I have to wonder if I am who I was intended to be or who I wanted to be. Of course I would like to say 100% yes but the truth of the matter is I am not. My life has been ruled by expectations, plans and ideas of others. I have allowed others to influence me more than the creator. Even now, tears stream down my face as I think about wasted opportunities, lost chances and what if's. As I get older (no comments please) I have tried to escape from the approval of others. I have tried to throw off my addiction to approval. This is my life, my time, my gift. God has given it to me and me alone to live. The old saying is true "it's hard to teach an old dog new tricks". I struggle every day trying to live the life that God intended for me. Just when I think I am ready to move I get lost in the guilt and shame of what others might think of me. I know that many others wrestle with this same affliction. So join me in the journey, share your story and together lets live this gift called our life. "This is your life, are you who you want to be?"

Think about it!

Peace

Ralph

Fathers Love

2008-06-23T20:24:00.000-05:00

A little over a week ago was Father's Day. As a father I love the idea of Father's Day. It reminds me of the joy, challenge, and honor it is to be a dad. I have been a dad over 19 years now and it never fails to make me cry when I think about my kids. I remember it like it was yesterday when my first son Christopher was born. His birth was much anticipated and celebrated. When the day finally came for him to be born I was a basket case. I didn't know if I would be ready to be a dad. My dad did the best he could but there were so many wounds and pain handed to me at the words of my father. I was afraid that I would never be able to love my child enough or give him what he needed. But the day came, ready or not. He was delivered via C-section and I remember the marvel of seeing him brought forth from my wife's abdomen. All I could do was weep as I saw this little human be delivered into this world and into my arms. All I could say was "my son". I wept like a baby as I held this child in my arms. It's that picture of love that has helped me understand the love of the Father. The Father looks at each of us and weeps with tears of joy because of his overwhelming love for us. It's like the Father calls out to us "my child' and weeps over us with joy.

I recently had lunch with a friend who was talking about the antics and phrases that a little child had shared. My friend had tears of joy as they shared the experience of interacting with this child. That is a picture of Father's love. He loves us and watches over us with great joy. Even when we stumble or fail Father still weeps over us with joy. He longs for us to know him and to experience his love.

Maybe this is not your experience as a parent or a child, if not I understand. But Father is wanting to break through our brokenness and our past wounds to help us see him in a new, life changing way. That's the Good News! Father loves us and there is nothing we can do to make Him love us less or to cause Him to love us more. Just like my little baby didn't have to do a thing to experience my love, neither do we have to do anything to experience and know the perfect love of Father. No matter where you are today or what you have done, Father is looking at you with love in his heart and tears in his eyes. He celebrates your life.

Peace
Ralph

Lost but not forgotten

2008-06-19T19:11:00.001-05:00

OK, I know that it's been a while since I posted. Needless to say my life has been turned upside down and inside out. It's one of those times in your life when you are not sure if you will make it out alive and if you do if you will be in one piece. I can't get into all of the details at this point, but one of the battles I have been fighting is with cancer. I was told that I had a small patch of skin cancer on my nose and they would be able to remove it with a "routine" procedure. Why do they always call it routine when it doesn't involve them. Any way, after getting into this "routine" procedure and several hours later half of my nose was removed and I found myself cancer free but missing half of my nose. I was sent immediately to a plastic surgeon. Several procedures and several months later I find myself on cancer free and with a nose, though it does need some fine tuning. Crisis and tragedy are part of life but it can shake you to the very core of who you are. I wish I could say I have it all figured out now and my life is sunshine and rainbows. However, it is not. My life continues to be filled with heartache, struggle and pain. I have stopped trying to figuring out what God is up to and what it all means. Instead I know that whatever situation or tragedy I face it is not good or bad it's just life. God is with me and he loves with more than I will ever know. He may not rescue me from my pain or heal me of my disease but I know he is with me and he will never leave me or forsake me. These days, that's all I can know for sure. No matter who you are or what you are facing this truth is there for you too. I am not going to tell you that God will rescue you from your tragedy or that every thing is going to be OK. But the truth of the matter is it may not. But even in the midst of all these things don't forget that Father loves you with and everlasting, unending love.

Peace,
Ralph

Basketball and God-2

2008-01-31T09:37:00.000-06:00

For any of you who read this blog you may be wondering why I am talking about basketball again. First of all, let me say that I am not a huge, obnoxious basketball fan (GO KSU), however I am a huge, obnoxious Aimee fan (that's my little girl). I love to watch her play basketball and that is typically one of the highlights of my week. Last week something happened that once again reminded me of God's amazing love and forgiveness for me. This game was about as lopsided as they come. The other team was scoring on us at random. The only hightlight worth mentioning was Aimee's 2 points. Be that as it may, as I was watching the other team drive up the score I noticed that something very subtle yet profound had happened. Some time after a double digit lead, the scorekeeper zeored out the scoreboard. When I looked up it was 0 to 0. At first I thought that was a little lame and the competitive juices starting flowing and demanding that we fight back. However, a thought started to permeate my competitive brain. The phrae that was ringing in my ear was "it's all even now, the deficit has been removed". Then I remembered the "love" verse in I Corinthians 13.

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast,
it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

That phrase, "keeps no record of wrongs" is what came to mind. That's the way it is with God. In our life there are times when we feel like we have messed up so much that our eternal scoreboard reflects a sound defeat and an obvious losing effort. Many of us, myself included, have kept a running total of all the wrong, hurtful things we have done in life and have found ourself in a place where we are losing and losing big. However, I have discovered a new truth about who God is. For so long I picture him as a mad father waiting for me to screw up so he could slap me upside the head with a 2 x 4 and teach me a sound lesson. But what I have discovered in my brokeness, heart break, and pain is that God is not like that at all. God is the lover of our soul. he is our biggest fan, and our greatest advocate. God is the ultimate lover awating the arrival of the love of his life (that's you and me). Because of His great love and grace for us He takes all of those wrong, hurtful thing that we have done and removes them. He erases the score and makes it even once again. God's heart is not to break us when we do someting wrong. He is not interested in lists, scorecards, or hit lists. Instead he is after your love. God has evened the score. There is no longer any guilt or shame waiting for you. There is only a God who loves you beyond measure and has been waiting for you to look up at the scoreboard and see that it's all been removed, there is no defeat, there is no defecit. There is nothing but love, forgiveness, hope and peace.

At the conclusion of the game Aimee had no clue what the score was or who won. All she knew was the abudance of love she received when it was all over. The score was not a factor because she knew that win, lose or draw. She was loved and that's all that mattered. Isn't that what God wants for us too? So many religious people get caught up in the score and keeping track of wrongs. But God says, forget the score, enjoy the game and know that you are loved.

Who would have ever known you could learn so much from watching 8 year old girls play basketball. His kingdom is all around us, all we have to do is look. See you at Starbucks!

Peace
Ralph

Basketball and God

2008-01-14T10:58:00.000-06:00

This weekend was my daughters first basketball game. If you have never watched a group of eight year old girls playing basketball then you have missed something great in life. If you go to watch great strategies, high scoring games, and incredible ball handling skills then you will be a little disappointed. But if you have come to see a picture of God's love then you have come to the right place. Let me paint the picture for you, the sidelines are filled to capacity with moms, dads, aunts, uncles and siblings. There are more cameras than a paparazzi convention. Everyone is on the edge of their seat waiting for their child to step out onto the court. As they do the family members begin to cheer and applaud. Even before the kids touch the ball the families are cheering. Then the game begins, for the better part of 30 minutes, girls run up and down the court dribbling, tripping, kicking and occasionally shooting the ball. If you were to close your eyes for a moment you would think you are at the state championship of girls basketball. However when you open your eyes you notice that parents are cheering with extraordinary enthusiasm for or ordinary events. In fact, it wouldn't matter what the girls did, they would still get the thunderous applause and cheers of love struck onlookers. Even when one of the girls ran, not dribbled, to the wrong goal everyone cheered. As I was thinking about the game, I realized I had just had a glimpse into the kingdom of God. I believe God views each of us like those parents viewed their children. God is not as much concerned about who is winning or losing, who has the most points or who looks best out on the court. But instead, he is waiting on the sideline to just cheer your presence. You don't have to do anything for Him to stand and cheer you on. God is for you, He is your biggest van and most vocal cheerleader. No matter what happens out on the court of life God is cheering. Most of us think they we are not worth cheering for unless we accomplish some great task. But the truth of the matter is no matter how much good you do, how many times you succeed, or how many times you fail God's love for you never changes. The Bible talks about God's unfailing love. It tells us that nothing can separate us from the love of God. NOTHING!!!!! So if you are reading this today and you, like me, have had your share of missed plays, going in the wrong direction, or falling on your face please remember the basketball game and know that God is standing on your side and he is so madly in love with you that he can't help to stand and cheer at the glimpse of your presence. Think of about it.

Peace,
Ralph

The Power of Love

2008-01-05T06:11:00.000-06:00

I have been processing where I am this year compared to this time last year. I know that today I am in a place where I continue to grow in my love and journey with God and with those around me. As I thought about this, I started thinking what's the difference? What has changed between today and 12 months ago. The difference and the reason I am still on the journey and looking forward is the power of love. 12 months ago I was in a place that I was questioning everything about my life. Where was my life going, what was I doing and what did I really believe about God. Now I know that it's not very "churchy" to say this, but I was even wondering if I wanted to continue this journey with God. The power of love has transformed my life and renewed my desire to pursue this journey with great passion and desire. I have been so blessed to find myself in a place where I know the unconditional, extravagant love that God designed his kingdom to reflect. For so long I believed that love was never unconditional. There was always a catch to receiving that kind of love. "I will love you when....." "I will love you if...." or "I will love you after....". But what I have discovered with my friends at DC, Awakening Community Church, Olathe Life Fellowship, and some amazing friends is that I am valued, loved, and accepted just as I am. They didn't offer me guilt, shame, and condemnation but instead offered me a love that can only come from God. They have brought the kingdom of God in my life. The power of love is something that we can never underestimate. It is a power that transforms life's and empowers us to continue in our journey. The power of love is what God gives to us and in turn asks us to give to others. It is this kind of love that scripture says is the true mark of a Christ follower. To quote a line from an old hymn "love lifted me, love lifted me, when nothing else could help, love lifted me..." So I ask you today, what are you doing with the lavish love that has been given to you. Are you squandering it on things that don't have any long lasting impact or are you giving it away to others who are lost, alone, desperate, and searching? For me, I am sick and tired of playing it safe and holding my love close to the vest. I want to be a vessel of God's love ready to pour out on dry and thirsty hearts. Look around you today, allow your eyes to see things how God sees them. As you do, you will see broken hearts all around you. People who are just longing for a kind word, a loving touch, a listening ear. I know that there are so many other things calling to us to be done. But in the scope of eternity, is that thing so important that you can not touch others with the power of love? Can I let you in on a little secret? When you share that love with others, you will be transformed as well. Love is contagious, once you start giving it away you will find it hard to stop. There is a world of people that you pass every day that could care less about your church's latest program or how much you think you know. They are longing for the good news of God's unconditional, extravagant love. So what are you waiting for????? Begin to practice the power of love.

Peace
Ralph

Who Stole 2007

2008-01-01T20:54:00.000-06:00

Is it just me or did 2007 fly by? I don't know about you, but for me 2007 was a whole lot of ups, downs, celebrations, sorrows, and challenges. As I look back over the year I have to ask myself whether I am where I had hoped and prepared to be? Was I able to reach all of the goals that I set for myself professionally, personally and spiritually. Now I wish I could tell you that I hit every one of my goals and I am right on track going int? 2008. But the fact of the matter is I can not say that. There have been several areas that I was able to hit with God's help. For one, I have been able to make progress on this road of healing and useful service. I continue to find trusted people in my life (Mike, Galen, Brad, Timmy, all my BT friends) and groups like DC and OLF to keep me challenged for God and continuing to explore His unconditional love. Another great target hit in 2007 was my job situation. I started a great new job in September that I completely love. If you would have asked me to paint a picture of the perfect job for me this would be it. I love working at Tallgrass Creek, it is one of the best things I have ever been a part of. It was truly a gift from God. Of course I have also been serving at Olathe Life Fellowship since October. What a great place! I love Timmy's heart and his message of radical love for the people of Olathe. It is an extreme challenge and reward to work with a church that is expressing God's love in some non-traditional ways. It has both stretched and challenged me in great ways. On the down side, I am still wrestling with some hard personal issues in my life. It has been a great challenge for me to try to stand back and let God make the changes for me. I am still trying to fix everything and let God know about it. However, at this point in my life there are things that I have no control over and there is nothing I can do to fix it. This has made for a very difficult year for me in so many ways. However I know that God is still on the throne and he has surrounded me with trusted advisers that I can lean on. I have no idea what God has in store for 2008 but I know that with His wisdom and direction we will continue the journey together. I want to thank all of you who have been an encouragement to me in 2007. Words can never express my gratitude toward you. There have been times that I needed your arms to hold me up and you were faithful to do so. You have cried with me, laughed with me, listened to me but never once did you judge me. Your unconditional love and support is what makes being part of this community all worth it. I look forward to the coming year.

Peace
Ralph

Christmas Wish

2007-12-23T22:06:00.000-06:00

As a child I used to love Christmas with all my being. I counted down the days until that glorious event took place. However as I find myself getting older I must say the luster of the holidays has tarnished. Don't get me wrong, I am not anti-Christmas, not at all. In fact I wholly celebrate the underlying reason for Christmas. The celebration of the gift of a saviour is beyond compare. I want to go on record as saying I love the idea of Christmas just not the way it is celebrated. I made the mistake of doing a little Christmas shopping the other day. I turned the radio to Christmas song, put on my happy face and headed toward my local retail chain. What I found was nothing short of chaos. People grumbling, shoving, swearing, and in general hating the shopping experience. They all seemed to be on the hunt for a gift that might satisfy the need of the family, loved one or co-worker they were buying for. There was no peace on earth or good will to men to be found. Now before you label me a Grinch, or a scrooge hear me out. What would happen in your world if instead of buying gifts that have little or no significance attached to it you gave a gift with meaning. Now I didn't say a gift that cost a lot of money. I said give a gift of significance. A gift that builds relationships and community. I attend a study/discussion/community group called DC. One of the challenges we discussed was the idea of giving a gift that cost nothing but means everything. So instead of getting caught up in the "whose gift is bigger, better, more expensive" game, what if we gave a gift that made a difference. Some of the suggestions that came out of DC was; sign up for a volunteer opportunity together, give a gift to the poor and needy in the name of a loved one, create an experience that celebrates that friend or loved one, write a letter of love and appreciation,.....the list is limitless. If you think about it, these are the kind of gifts that most celebrate the idea of Christmas. Christmas is the celebration that God loves us so desperately that he became flesh and left the confines of heaven. So any gift that is give should be a gift the reflects unselfish, self sacrificing love. Now it may be too late to take all those gifts back and change your whole gift giving strategy but take this idea to heart. Let me know what you think.

Peace
Ralph

Fear

2007-12-01T22:21:00.000-06:00

I had the privilege of listening to Dr. Paul Fitzgerald this week. The topic of his discussion was fear. He asked the question "What would it feel like to live a day without fear". As I thought about that question my response was it will feel like freedom. Now many others in the group had different thoughts on fear but for me, it seems like fear often effects what I do, think, or feel. I know that it shouldn't and I know that scripture says perfect love casts out all fear but many of my actions or lack of action are motivated by fear. It was interesting as Dr. Paul drilled down deeper and kept asking clarifying questions regarding what the root of the fear was. As he asked the questions and as I answered, in my head, the root seemed to boil down to the fact that my fears were rooted in the fear that I would find myself alone and unloved for the rest of my life. And so my actions and fears were all tied to that one thought. The thought that if I did, or did not do certain things I would be alone. I think that is a fear that haunts many of us. The thought that we will die isolated and alone. For me I know it stems from the old tapes that I have allowed to play in my mind. The tapes that say you will never make it, you will never be loved, you will never be enough. Now I know that sounds pretty pathetic, but I think this fear is at the heart of all of our fears. It is this truth, or should I say the lie, that keeps all of us from connecting with one another. It keeps us from creating community. It keeps us from intimacy. It causes us to lie and to hide. It keeps us paralyzed. Now I know that I am more than enough. I now that I am loved by God and there is nothing or no one who can stop God's love for me. I understand the truth that God is head over heels in love with me. But if I were honest, there are times that, by my thoughts and actions, communicate that I want more. This fear drives me, and all of us, to a place that communicates that God's love is not enough. I am trying to wrestle with this fear through sharing my heart and jumping in community. If you are reading this and are wrestling with fear I challenge you to share you heart and put yourself in a place where you can be real. Let's process and journey together.

Peace

Are You Thankful

2007-11-21T22:19:00.000-06:00

Thanksgiving is almost here. I have been thinking on things that I am thankful for in my life. The problem is, that I have experienced so many things this year that I am not thankful for. Things that brought heart ache and pain. Things that have brought fear and doubt. In the midst of the pain it seemed impossible to find happiness and joy. There was no way I could be thankful for what was happening. I struggled to figure out how to be thankful. One day, the question came to me during a time of prayer, the question drilled down deep into my soul. The question was very simple; "what would it take for me to be happy". It seemed like an easy enough question, but in reality it was a question that I had never wrestled with. As I thought about and prayed about the answer I was shocked by what began to form. The answer that kept coming to me was "nothing" there was nothing that I could do or nothing I could change that would bring me happiness. So the next logical question that came to mind was then why couldn't I be happy. What was keeping me from being happy or being thankful. Of course the answer was myself. I was the only one that could control whether I experienced joy, happiness and being thankful. There will always be situations or individuals in my life that will bring pain, sadness, and disappointment. However I must decide whether I am going to allow outside influences to dictate my happiness or am I going to rest in God knowing that He is the reason I can be at peace and find joy. God alone is my reason. So as we celebrate Thanksgiving today ask yourself that same question. What is keeping you for being happy?

Peace

Community

2007-11-03T22:28:00.000-05:00

I have been thinking about my new role at Olathe Life Fellowship. As I dig into things and the many volunteer needs I begin to wonder about community. For years, I approached the volunteer needs from a vantage point of guilt and shame. I was very adept at casting a great vision that was based upon shaming people into serving. Unfortunately I found that this method was very successful but when the guilt and shame began to fade so did all of the volunteers. As I have began to understand the amazing love of God I have had to re-evaluate my methodology and my whole premise toward ministry. A premise that wasn't concerned about community as much as it was concerned with filling needs. Now I have come to a place that I believe is more healthy and balanced. I have stopped taking on the responsibility of making everything work. While as a leader I want to see things grow and flourish but I have to ask myself what is my motivation for seeing this take place. I have come to a place of understanding community and the role the community must play in owning the journey. God has created each of us for community. We were not created to live in isolation. It is in community that we begin to share our life, our gifts and our hope. It is also in community that we contribute ourselves to accomplish things that benefit the community and it's needs. As I challenge myself and my community, Olathe Life Fellowship, we must understand that if we want to see great things happen we must, as a community, give of our self for a greater purpose.

I continue to ramble so I need to let you go. But please remember, you were created for community.

Forgiveness

2007-10-21T20:40:00.001-05:00

Today Pastor Timmy of OLF discussed the concept of forgiveness and how it impacts our sense of well being and happiness. I think he was right on as he discussed the idea of practicing forgiveness whether we feel like it or not. He also discussed the idea of forgiveness not being the same as forgetting. All of these things were right on and I encourage you if you didn't have a chance to hear the message go on to http://www.olathelifefellowship.org/ and watch the message. However, one of the things that I have discovered is the hardest thing to do in regards to forgiveness is forgiving yourself. For years I have been able to quickly forgive those who have hurt me but the one thing I have struggled with is finding it possible to forgive myself for making mistakes. I would always hold myself to a higher standard and never give myself the room to be real and to make mistakes. Because of that I would live in a world of guilt, shame, and condemnation. After all, as a pastor I should know better and, I believed, should never make a mistake. This cycle of guilt, shame and condemnation kept me in an unhealthy place that kept me from honesty, openness, and relationship. Their was that tape playing in the back of my mind that continued to tell me that if anyone really knew me they would not accept me or value me. The idea of personal forgiveness is so powerful and so key that many people, like myself, never get to that point. They can offer forgiveness to everyone but themselves. It wasn't until I was able to go through Breakthrough and discover the power of self forgiveness that I was able to discover a new found freedom and ability to open honest and vulnerable. Since that time I have been able to develop close friendships, and become vulnerable like I was never able to do before. I encourage you today that if you have been struggling to find forgiveness for yourself to find a way out. Unforgiveness will continue to haunt you and cause you to live a life so beneath what God has for you. As you start to find forgiveness and find enough value in yourself to offer this gift you will start to find a freedom like never before. If you care to dialog about this issue then I encourage you to bring it on. I don't have all the answers but I know the path I have traveled and I am more than willing to share my story and where this journey has led me. You are valued and you are worth it. Until then keep living this journey.

Peace,
Ralph

I Am Enough

2007-10-13T14:43:00.000-05:00

Olathe Life Fellowship (OLF) has started a new series about being happy. I have been thinking a lot about that this week and about what Dr. Paul Fitzgerald discussed last week. Many of us, myself included, have tried to find happiness in all kinds of things. We had this feeling that we were not enough on our own so if we could do something, own something, or create something we would be happy. I have spent the last twenty years trying to be someone so I could prove to everyone, especially me, that I was valuable. However, no matter how how much praise I received or accomplishments I gained I still knew in the pit of my stomach that if they really knew me they would not love me and thus I would not be loved nor be happy. One day while I was thinking about this whole screwed up process I asked myself the question; what would it take for me to be happy. I thought for a few minutes and consider all the usual suspects; more money, better relationships, better paying job.... After I pondered this for a few moments I felt like God posed a different question to me. The question was something like; "Even if you get all of those things, would you be happy?" Of course the answer was probably not. So of course the follow up question quickly follows; "Then what's keeping you from being happy now". I must admit, I couldn't come up with a good answer. Now I had a lot of excuses and good reason but the bottom line was that the only thing keeping me from being happy was myself. How long was I going to let circumstances, strained relationships, money, jobs (fill in your own blank), etc. keep me from enjoying life. After all, isn't that the good news of Jesus. Jesus said that He came to give us life to the fullest. There is nothing I need to add to the equation to be loved, accepted, valued and happy. I am enough the way I am. There is nothing I can do to add to or subtract from my value in God. Now I have said that for years, but in the darkest parts of my mind I thought that this was true for everyone but me. Because I knew who I really was. I knew my darkest thoughts, my actions and my heart. Surely if God knew all of that, there was no way this offer was good for me too. The truth of the matter is I am. This good news is for me, my family, my friends and yes even my enemies. I wish I could tell you I have this mastered now and I am traveling across country sharing this with everyone I meet. But the truth is I am on a journey of understanding and living this truth. I am still working out what it means to be a loved, valued, and happy follower of Christ.

Well, that's my journey this week. Hope it helps someone.

Peace

2007-10-06T20:19:00.000-05:00

Well, here goes nothing........
Just a little about myself. I have been a pastor for over twenty years. I served in and around the Midwest and in Pennsylvania. I am a recovering approval addict and religious hipocrite. I have been on a long, hard journey for the last year and a half. During that time I have learned so much about myself and why I had become the man I was. It was so hard to look in the mirror and see the man that I had become. I was so lost, so alone and so desperate to find a way. Because I had so many struggles in my life I was forced to either find a place of health or face a life of solitude and destruction. God put some amazing people in my life to help put me on a new path (Dr. Paul, Brad, Galen). These wonderful friends helped me to escape from the shame based life I had lived on for so long. I began to believe the things that I had preached for so long and yet did not think it was true for me. I discovered all over again the unconditional love and grace that God extends to each of us. For the first time in my life I was able to live free of shame and offer myself the forgiveness that I denied for so long. I am still on a journey of discvorey. Discovering who I am and how I fit in this amazing thing called the kingdom of God. Each day is a new adventure filled with joy and heartbreak. I have not arrived and I have so many questions. Thankfully I am in a community of Christ followers who are strong enough and brave enough to wrestle with the questions all of us have but are not allowed to express. Especially if you are in ministry. Many, like myself, have been trained to never show weakness or doubt. However I am starting to embrace the idea of being vulnerable, transparent and brave. I can't wait to see where this journey takes me. Hopefully there will be some who want to walk along with me and are brave enough to ask the questions and wrestle with their fears. So let the fun begin...................

Peace