Lost but not forgotten

OK, I know that it's been a while since I posted. Needless to say my life has been turned upside down and inside out. It's one of those times in your life when you are not sure if you will make it out alive and if you do if you will be in one piece. I can't get into all of the details at this point, but one of the battles I have been fighting is with cancer. I was told that I had a small patch of skin cancer on my nose and they would be able to remove it with a "routine" procedure. Why do they always call it routine when it doesn't involve them. Any way, after getting into this "routine" procedure and several hours later half of my nose was removed and I found myself cancer free but missing half of my nose. I was sent immediately to a plastic surgeon. Several procedures and several months later I find myself on cancer free and with a nose, though it does need some fine tuning. Crisis and tragedy are part of life but it can shake you to the very core of who you are. I wish I could say I have it all figured out now and my life is sunshine and rainbows. However, it is not. My life continues to be filled with heartache, struggle and pain. I have stopped trying to figuring out what God is up to and what it all means. Instead I know that whatever situation or tragedy I face it is not good or bad it's just life. God is with me and he loves with more than I will ever know. He may not rescue me from my pain or heal me of my disease but I know he is with me and he will never leave me or forsake me. These days, that's all I can know for sure. No matter who you are or what you are facing this truth is there for you too. I am not going to tell you that God will rescue you from your tragedy or that every thing is going to be OK. But the truth of the matter is it may not. But even in the midst of all these things don't forget that Father loves you with and everlasting, unending love.

Peace,
Ralph

Basketball and God-2

For any of you who read this blog you may be wondering why I am talking about basketball again. First of all, let me say that I am not a huge, obnoxious basketball fan (GO KSU), however I am a huge, obnoxious Aimee fan (that's my little girl). I love to watch her play basketball and that is typically one of the highlights of my week. Last week something happened that once again reminded me of God's amazing love and forgiveness for me. This game was about as lopsided as they come. The other team was scoring on us at random. The only hightlight worth mentioning was Aimee's 2 points. Be that as it may, as I was watching the other team drive up the score I noticed that something very subtle yet profound had happened. Some time after a double digit lead, the scorekeeper zeored out the scoreboard. When I looked up it was 0 to 0. At first I thought that was a little lame and the competitive juices starting flowing and demanding that we fight back. However, a thought started to permeate my competitive brain. The phrae that was ringing in my ear was "it's all even now, the deficit has been removed". Then I remembered the "love" verse in I Corinthians 13.

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast,
it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

That phrase, "keeps no record of wrongs" is what came to mind. That's the way it is with God. In our life there are times when we feel like we have messed up so much that our eternal scoreboard reflects a sound defeat and an obvious losing effort. Many of us, myself included, have kept a running total of all the wrong, hurtful things we have done in life and have found ourself in a place where we are losing and losing big. However, I have discovered a new truth about who God is. For so long I picture him as a mad father waiting for me to screw up so he could slap me upside the head with a 2 x 4 and teach me a sound lesson. But what I have discovered in my brokeness, heart break, and pain is that God is not like that at all. God is the lover of our soul. he is our biggest fan, and our greatest advocate. God is the ultimate lover awating the arrival of the love of his life (that's you and me). Because of His great love and grace for us He takes all of those wrong, hurtful thing that we have done and removes them. He erases the score and makes it even once again. God's heart is not to break us when we do someting wrong. He is not interested in lists, scorecards, or hit lists. Instead he is after your love. God has evened the score. There is no longer any guilt or shame waiting for you. There is only a God who loves you beyond measure and has been waiting for you to look up at the scoreboard and see that it's all been removed, there is no defeat, there is no defecit. There is nothing but love, forgiveness, hope and peace.

At the conclusion of the game Aimee had no clue what the score was or who won. All she knew was the abudance of love she received when it was all over. The score was not a factor because she knew that win, lose or draw. She was loved and that's all that mattered. Isn't that what God wants for us too? So many religious people get caught up in the score and keeping track of wrongs. But God says, forget the score, enjoy the game and know that you are loved.

Who would have ever known you could learn so much from watching 8 year old girls play basketball. His kingdom is all around us, all we have to do is look. See you at Starbucks!

Peace
Ralph

Basketball and God

This weekend was my daughters first basketball game. If you have never watched a group of eight year old girls playing basketball then you have missed something great in life. If you go to watch great strategies, high scoring games, and incredible ball handling skills then you will be a little disappointed. But if you have come to see a picture of God's love then you have come to the right place. Let me paint the picture for you, the sidelines are filled to capacity with moms, dads, aunts, uncles and siblings. There are more cameras than a paparazzi convention. Everyone is on the edge of their seat waiting for their child to step out onto the court. As they do the family members begin to cheer and applaud. Even before the kids touch the ball the families are cheering. Then the game begins, for the better part of 30 minutes, girls run up and down the court dribbling, tripping, kicking and occasionally shooting the ball. If you were to close your eyes for a moment you would think you are at the state championship of girls basketball. However when you open your eyes you notice that parents are cheering with extraordinary enthusiasm for or ordinary events. In fact, it wouldn't matter what the girls did, they would still get the thunderous applause and cheers of love struck onlookers. Even when one of the girls ran, not dribbled, to the wrong goal everyone cheered. As I was thinking about the game, I realized I had just had a glimpse into the kingdom of God. I believe God views each of us like those parents viewed their children. God is not as much concerned about who is winning or losing, who has the most points or who looks best out on the court. But instead, he is waiting on the sideline to just cheer your presence. You don't have to do anything for Him to stand and cheer you on. God is for you, He is your biggest van and most vocal cheerleader. No matter what happens out on the court of life God is cheering. Most of us think they we are not worth cheering for unless we accomplish some great task. But the truth of the matter is no matter how much good you do, how many times you succeed, or how many times you fail God's love for you never changes. The Bible talks about God's unfailing love. It tells us that nothing can separate us from the love of God. NOTHING!!!!! So if you are reading this today and you, like me, have had your share of missed plays, going in the wrong direction, or falling on your face please remember the basketball game and know that God is standing on your side and he is so madly in love with you that he can't help to stand and cheer at the glimpse of your presence. Think of about it.

Peace,
Ralph

The Power of Love

I have been processing where I am this year compared to this time last year. I know that today I am in a place where I continue to grow in my love and journey with God and with those around me. As I thought about this, I started thinking what's the difference? What has changed between today and 12 months ago. The difference and the reason I am still on the journey and looking forward is the power of love. 12 months ago I was in a place that I was questioning everything about my life. Where was my life going, what was I doing and what did I really believe about God. Now I know that it's not very "churchy" to say this, but I was even wondering if I wanted to continue this journey with God. The power of love has transformed my life and renewed my desire to pursue this journey with great passion and desire. I have been so blessed to find myself in a place where I know the unconditional, extravagant love that God designed his kingdom to reflect. For so long I believed that love was never unconditional. There was always a catch to receiving that kind of love. "I will love you when....." "I will love you if...." or "I will love you after....". But what I have discovered with my friends at DC, Awakening Community Church, Olathe Life Fellowship, and some amazing friends is that I am valued, loved, and accepted just as I am. They didn't offer me guilt, shame, and condemnation but instead offered me a love that can only come from God. They have brought the kingdom of God in my life. The power of love is something that we can never underestimate. It is a power that transforms life's and empowers us to continue in our journey. The power of love is what God gives to us and in turn asks us to give to others. It is this kind of love that scripture says is the true mark of a Christ follower. To quote a line from an old hymn "love lifted me, love lifted me, when nothing else could help, love lifted me..." So I ask you today, what are you doing with the lavish love that has been given to you. Are you squandering it on things that don't have any long lasting impact or are you giving it away to others who are lost, alone, desperate, and searching? For me, I am sick and tired of playing it safe and holding my love close to the vest. I want to be a vessel of God's love ready to pour out on dry and thirsty hearts. Look around you today, allow your eyes to see things how God sees them. As you do, you will see broken hearts all around you. People who are just longing for a kind word, a loving touch, a listening ear. I know that there are so many other things calling to us to be done. But in the scope of eternity, is that thing so important that you can not touch others with the power of love? Can I let you in on a little secret? When you share that love with others, you will be transformed as well. Love is contagious, once you start giving it away you will find it hard to stop. There is a world of people that you pass every day that could care less about your church's latest program or how much you think you know. They are longing for the good news of God's unconditional, extravagant love. So what are you waiting for????? Begin to practice the power of love.

Peace
Ralph

Who Stole 2007

Is it just me or did 2007 fly by? I don't know about you, but for me 2007 was a whole lot of ups, downs, celebrations, sorrows, and challenges. As I look back over the year I have to ask myself whether I am where I had hoped and prepared to be? Was I able to reach all of the goals that I set for myself professionally, personally and spiritually. Now I wish I could tell you that I hit every one of my goals and I am right on track going int? 2008. But the fact of the matter is I can not say that. There have been several areas that I was able to hit with God's help. For one, I have been able to make progress on this road of healing and useful service. I continue to find trusted people in my life (Mike, Galen, Brad, Timmy, all my BT friends) and groups like DC and OLF to keep me challenged for God and continuing to explore His unconditional love. Another great target hit in 2007 was my job situation. I started a great new job in September that I completely love. If you would have asked me to paint a picture of the perfect job for me this would be it. I love working at Tallgrass Creek, it is one of the best things I have ever been a part of. It was truly a gift from God. Of course I have also been serving at Olathe Life Fellowship since October. What a great place! I love Timmy's heart and his message of radical love for the people of Olathe. It is an extreme challenge and reward to work with a church that is expressing God's love in some non-traditional ways. It has both stretched and challenged me in great ways. On the down side, I am still wrestling with some hard personal issues in my life. It has been a great challenge for me to try to stand back and let God make the changes for me. I am still trying to fix everything and let God know about it. However, at this point in my life there are things that I have no control over and there is nothing I can do to fix it. This has made for a very difficult year for me in so many ways. However I know that God is still on the throne and he has surrounded me with trusted advisers that I can lean on. I have no idea what God has in store for 2008 but I know that with His wisdom and direction we will continue the journey together. I want to thank all of you who have been an encouragement to me in 2007. Words can never express my gratitude toward you. There have been times that I needed your arms to hold me up and you were faithful to do so. You have cried with me, laughed with me, listened to me but never once did you judge me. Your unconditional love and support is what makes being part of this community all worth it. I look forward to the coming year.

Peace
Ralph

Christmas Wish

As a child I used to love Christmas with all my being. I counted down the days until that glorious event took place. However as I find myself getting older I must say the luster of the holidays has tarnished. Don't get me wrong, I am not anti-Christmas, not at all. In fact I wholly celebrate the underlying reason for Christmas. The celebration of the gift of a saviour is beyond compare. I want to go on record as saying I love the idea of Christmas just not the way it is celebrated. I made the mistake of doing a little Christmas shopping the other day. I turned the radio to Christmas song, put on my happy face and headed toward my local retail chain. What I found was nothing short of chaos. People grumbling, shoving, swearing, and in general hating the shopping experience. They all seemed to be on the hunt for a gift that might satisfy the need of the family, loved one or co-worker they were buying for. There was no peace on earth or good will to men to be found. Now before you label me a Grinch, or a scrooge hear me out. What would happen in your world if instead of buying gifts that have little or no significance attached to it you gave a gift with meaning. Now I didn't say a gift that cost a lot of money. I said give a gift of significance. A gift that builds relationships and community. I attend a study/discussion/community group called DC. One of the challenges we discussed was the idea of giving a gift that cost nothing but means everything. So instead of getting caught up in the "whose gift is bigger, better, more expensive" game, what if we gave a gift that made a difference. Some of the suggestions that came out of DC was; sign up for a volunteer opportunity together, give a gift to the poor and needy in the name of a loved one, create an experience that celebrates that friend or loved one, write a letter of love and appreciation,.....the list is limitless. If you think about it, these are the kind of gifts that most celebrate the idea of Christmas. Christmas is the celebration that God loves us so desperately that he became flesh and left the confines of heaven. So any gift that is give should be a gift the reflects unselfish, self sacrificing love. Now it may be too late to take all those gifts back and change your whole gift giving strategy but take this idea to heart. Let me know what you think.

Peace
Ralph

Fear

I had the privilege of listening to Dr. Paul Fitzgerald this week. The topic of his discussion was fear. He asked the question "What would it feel like to live a day without fear". As I thought about that question my response was it will feel like freedom. Now many others in the group had different thoughts on fear but for me, it seems like fear often effects what I do, think, or feel. I know that it shouldn't and I know that scripture says perfect love casts out all fear but many of my actions or lack of action are motivated by fear. It was interesting as Dr. Paul drilled down deeper and kept asking clarifying questions regarding what the root of the fear was. As he asked the questions and as I answered, in my head, the root seemed to boil down to the fact that my fears were rooted in the fear that I would find myself alone and unloved for the rest of my life. And so my actions and fears were all tied to that one thought. The thought that if I did, or did not do certain things I would be alone. I think that is a fear that haunts many of us. The thought that we will die isolated and alone. For me I know it stems from the old tapes that I have allowed to play in my mind. The tapes that say you will never make it, you will never be loved, you will never be enough. Now I know that sounds pretty pathetic, but I think this fear is at the heart of all of our fears. It is this truth, or should I say the lie, that keeps all of us from connecting with one another. It keeps us from creating community. It keeps us from intimacy. It causes us to lie and to hide. It keeps us paralyzed. Now I know that I am more than enough. I now that I am loved by God and there is nothing or no one who can stop God's love for me. I understand the truth that God is head over heels in love with me. But if I were honest, there are times that, by my thoughts and actions, communicate that I want more. This fear drives me, and all of us, to a place that communicates that God's love is not enough. I am trying to wrestle with this fear through sharing my heart and jumping in community. If you are reading this and are wrestling with fear I challenge you to share you heart and put yourself in a place where you can be real. Let's process and journey together.

Peace