Christmas Wish

As a child I used to love Christmas with all my being. I counted down the days until that glorious event took place. However as I find myself getting older I must say the luster of the holidays has tarnished. Don't get me wrong, I am not anti-Christmas, not at all. In fact I wholly celebrate the underlying reason for Christmas. The celebration of the gift of a saviour is beyond compare. I want to go on record as saying I love the idea of Christmas just not the way it is celebrated. I made the mistake of doing a little Christmas shopping the other day. I turned the radio to Christmas song, put on my happy face and headed toward my local retail chain. What I found was nothing short of chaos. People grumbling, shoving, swearing, and in general hating the shopping experience. They all seemed to be on the hunt for a gift that might satisfy the need of the family, loved one or co-worker they were buying for. There was no peace on earth or good will to men to be found. Now before you label me a Grinch, or a scrooge hear me out. What would happen in your world if instead of buying gifts that have little or no significance attached to it you gave a gift with meaning. Now I didn't say a gift that cost a lot of money. I said give a gift of significance. A gift that builds relationships and community. I attend a study/discussion/community group called DC. One of the challenges we discussed was the idea of giving a gift that cost nothing but means everything. So instead of getting caught up in the "whose gift is bigger, better, more expensive" game, what if we gave a gift that made a difference. Some of the suggestions that came out of DC was; sign up for a volunteer opportunity together, give a gift to the poor and needy in the name of a loved one, create an experience that celebrates that friend or loved one, write a letter of love and appreciation,.....the list is limitless. If you think about it, these are the kind of gifts that most celebrate the idea of Christmas. Christmas is the celebration that God loves us so desperately that he became flesh and left the confines of heaven. So any gift that is give should be a gift the reflects unselfish, self sacrificing love. Now it may be too late to take all those gifts back and change your whole gift giving strategy but take this idea to heart. Let me know what you think.

Peace
Ralph

Fear

I had the privilege of listening to Dr. Paul Fitzgerald this week. The topic of his discussion was fear. He asked the question "What would it feel like to live a day without fear". As I thought about that question my response was it will feel like freedom. Now many others in the group had different thoughts on fear but for me, it seems like fear often effects what I do, think, or feel. I know that it shouldn't and I know that scripture says perfect love casts out all fear but many of my actions or lack of action are motivated by fear. It was interesting as Dr. Paul drilled down deeper and kept asking clarifying questions regarding what the root of the fear was. As he asked the questions and as I answered, in my head, the root seemed to boil down to the fact that my fears were rooted in the fear that I would find myself alone and unloved for the rest of my life. And so my actions and fears were all tied to that one thought. The thought that if I did, or did not do certain things I would be alone. I think that is a fear that haunts many of us. The thought that we will die isolated and alone. For me I know it stems from the old tapes that I have allowed to play in my mind. The tapes that say you will never make it, you will never be loved, you will never be enough. Now I know that sounds pretty pathetic, but I think this fear is at the heart of all of our fears. It is this truth, or should I say the lie, that keeps all of us from connecting with one another. It keeps us from creating community. It keeps us from intimacy. It causes us to lie and to hide. It keeps us paralyzed. Now I know that I am more than enough. I now that I am loved by God and there is nothing or no one who can stop God's love for me. I understand the truth that God is head over heels in love with me. But if I were honest, there are times that, by my thoughts and actions, communicate that I want more. This fear drives me, and all of us, to a place that communicates that God's love is not enough. I am trying to wrestle with this fear through sharing my heart and jumping in community. If you are reading this and are wrestling with fear I challenge you to share you heart and put yourself in a place where you can be real. Let's process and journey together.

Peace

Are You Thankful

Thanksgiving is almost here. I have been thinking on things that I am thankful for in my life. The problem is, that I have experienced so many things this year that I am not thankful for. Things that brought heart ache and pain. Things that have brought fear and doubt. In the midst of the pain it seemed impossible to find happiness and joy. There was no way I could be thankful for what was happening. I struggled to figure out how to be thankful. One day, the question came to me during a time of prayer, the question drilled down deep into my soul. The question was very simple; "what would it take for me to be happy". It seemed like an easy enough question, but in reality it was a question that I had never wrestled with. As I thought about and prayed about the answer I was shocked by what began to form. The answer that kept coming to me was "nothing" there was nothing that I could do or nothing I could change that would bring me happiness. So the next logical question that came to mind was then why couldn't I be happy. What was keeping me from being happy or being thankful. Of course the answer was myself. I was the only one that could control whether I experienced joy, happiness and being thankful. There will always be situations or individuals in my life that will bring pain, sadness, and disappointment. However I must decide whether I am going to allow outside influences to dictate my happiness or am I going to rest in God knowing that He is the reason I can be at peace and find joy. God alone is my reason. So as we celebrate Thanksgiving today ask yourself that same question. What is keeping you for being happy?

Peace

Community

I have been thinking about my new role at Olathe Life Fellowship. As I dig into things and the many volunteer needs I begin to wonder about community. For years, I approached the volunteer needs from a vantage point of guilt and shame. I was very adept at casting a great vision that was based upon shaming people into serving. Unfortunately I found that this method was very successful but when the guilt and shame began to fade so did all of the volunteers. As I have began to understand the amazing love of God I have had to re-evaluate my methodology and my whole premise toward ministry. A premise that wasn't concerned about community as much as it was concerned with filling needs. Now I have come to a place that I believe is more healthy and balanced. I have stopped taking on the responsibility of making everything work. While as a leader I want to see things grow and flourish but I have to ask myself what is my motivation for seeing this take place. I have come to a place of understanding community and the role the community must play in owning the journey. God has created each of us for community. We were not created to live in isolation. It is in community that we begin to share our life, our gifts and our hope. It is also in community that we contribute ourselves to accomplish things that benefit the community and it's needs. As I challenge myself and my community, Olathe Life Fellowship, we must understand that if we want to see great things happen we must, as a community, give of our self for a greater purpose.

I continue to ramble so I need to let you go. But please remember, you were created for community.

Forgiveness

Today Pastor Timmy of OLF discussed the concept of forgiveness and how it impacts our sense of well being and happiness. I think he was right on as he discussed the idea of practicing forgiveness whether we feel like it or not. He also discussed the idea of forgiveness not being the same as forgetting. All of these things were right on and I encourage you if you didn't have a chance to hear the message go on to http://www.olathelifefellowship.org/ and watch the message. However, one of the things that I have discovered is the hardest thing to do in regards to forgiveness is forgiving yourself. For years I have been able to quickly forgive those who have hurt me but the one thing I have struggled with is finding it possible to forgive myself for making mistakes. I would always hold myself to a higher standard and never give myself the room to be real and to make mistakes. Because of that I would live in a world of guilt, shame, and condemnation. After all, as a pastor I should know better and, I believed, should never make a mistake. This cycle of guilt, shame and condemnation kept me in an unhealthy place that kept me from honesty, openness, and relationship. Their was that tape playing in the back of my mind that continued to tell me that if anyone really knew me they would not accept me or value me. The idea of personal forgiveness is so powerful and so key that many people, like myself, never get to that point. They can offer forgiveness to everyone but themselves. It wasn't until I was able to go through Breakthrough and discover the power of self forgiveness that I was able to discover a new found freedom and ability to open honest and vulnerable. Since that time I have been able to develop close friendships, and become vulnerable like I was never able to do before. I encourage you today that if you have been struggling to find forgiveness for yourself to find a way out. Unforgiveness will continue to haunt you and cause you to live a life so beneath what God has for you. As you start to find forgiveness and find enough value in yourself to offer this gift you will start to find a freedom like never before. If you care to dialog about this issue then I encourage you to bring it on. I don't have all the answers but I know the path I have traveled and I am more than willing to share my story and where this journey has led me. You are valued and you are worth it. Until then keep living this journey.

Peace,
Ralph

I Am Enough

Olathe Life Fellowship (OLF) has started a new series about being happy. I have been thinking a lot about that this week and about what Dr. Paul Fitzgerald discussed last week. Many of us, myself included, have tried to find happiness in all kinds of things. We had this feeling that we were not enough on our own so if we could do something, own something, or create something we would be happy. I have spent the last twenty years trying to be someone so I could prove to everyone, especially me, that I was valuable. However, no matter how how much praise I received or accomplishments I gained I still knew in the pit of my stomach that if they really knew me they would not love me and thus I would not be loved nor be happy. One day while I was thinking about this whole screwed up process I asked myself the question; what would it take for me to be happy. I thought for a few minutes and consider all the usual suspects; more money, better relationships, better paying job.... After I pondered this for a few moments I felt like God posed a different question to me. The question was something like; "Even if you get all of those things, would you be happy?" Of course the answer was probably not. So of course the follow up question quickly follows; "Then what's keeping you from being happy now". I must admit, I couldn't come up with a good answer. Now I had a lot of excuses and good reason but the bottom line was that the only thing keeping me from being happy was myself. How long was I going to let circumstances, strained relationships, money, jobs (fill in your own blank), etc. keep me from enjoying life. After all, isn't that the good news of Jesus. Jesus said that He came to give us life to the fullest. There is nothing I need to add to the equation to be loved, accepted, valued and happy. I am enough the way I am. There is nothing I can do to add to or subtract from my value in God. Now I have said that for years, but in the darkest parts of my mind I thought that this was true for everyone but me. Because I knew who I really was. I knew my darkest thoughts, my actions and my heart. Surely if God knew all of that, there was no way this offer was good for me too. The truth of the matter is I am. This good news is for me, my family, my friends and yes even my enemies. I wish I could tell you I have this mastered now and I am traveling across country sharing this with everyone I meet. But the truth is I am on a journey of understanding and living this truth. I am still working out what it means to be a loved, valued, and happy follower of Christ.

Well, that's my journey this week. Hope it helps someone.

Peace

Well, here goes nothing........
Just a little about myself. I have been a pastor for over twenty years. I served in and around the Midwest and in Pennsylvania. I am a recovering approval addict and religious hipocrite. I have been on a long, hard journey for the last year and a half. During that time I have learned so much about myself and why I had become the man I was. It was so hard to look in the mirror and see the man that I had become. I was so lost, so alone and so desperate to find a way. Because I had so many struggles in my life I was forced to either find a place of health or face a life of solitude and destruction. God put some amazing people in my life to help put me on a new path (Dr. Paul, Brad, Galen). These wonderful friends helped me to escape from the shame based life I had lived on for so long. I began to believe the things that I had preached for so long and yet did not think it was true for me. I discovered all over again the unconditional love and grace that God extends to each of us. For the first time in my life I was able to live free of shame and offer myself the forgiveness that I denied for so long. I am still on a journey of discvorey. Discovering who I am and how I fit in this amazing thing called the kingdom of God. Each day is a new adventure filled with joy and heartbreak. I have not arrived and I have so many questions. Thankfully I am in a community of Christ followers who are strong enough and brave enough to wrestle with the questions all of us have but are not allowed to express. Especially if you are in ministry. Many, like myself, have been trained to never show weakness or doubt. However I am starting to embrace the idea of being vulnerable, transparent and brave. I can't wait to see where this journey takes me. Hopefully there will be some who want to walk along with me and are brave enough to ask the questions and wrestle with their fears. So let the fun begin...................

Peace