This is your life

This is your life, are you who you want to be?

Most of our life we try to figure out who we are and what we want to be. From our earliest days people around us begin to ask the questions; "what do you want to be when you grow up?" For me, I know most of my life has been trying to live up to what was expected of me. I am one of seven kids and the only one who went to college. From my early memories I remember my parents saying "he is the smart one" or "he is our good child". So for as long as I remember I lived to please my parents and in some way gain value and worth if I did enough. However it never seemed like it was enough. If I would get all A's and one B the question would be asked about that one B. I know my parents loved me but inadvertently they gave me a desire to perform so I could be accepted, loved and valued. I don't blame them for my short comings, I just know that has become part of my emotional baggage. Even in ministry, I did all the right things, said all the right things, and acted in all the appropriate ways so I could please everyone and therefore be valued and approved. But in the end I struggle with the thought of who I am. Who am I really? Am I a good son, and obedient child, and good pastor, or .......... In my journey I am starting to understand that this is my life and it's up to me how I live it. No one can tell me what's right or good or perfect for my life. God has given me this life to live and there are no do overs.

I am teaching a lesson tomorrow on God being the giver of all life. I believe that to be true. In Psalm 139:14, the author writes; "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made". It was God's idea to create me and to make me the person I am. When he created me, he made me wonderfully and fearfully. If I believe that to be true then I have to take this gift called my life and live it to the fullest for God's glory. But as I ponder the question from this song, I have to wonder if I am who I was intended to be or who I wanted to be. Of course I would like to say 100% yes but the truth of the matter is I am not. My life has been ruled by expectations, plans and ideas of others. I have allowed others to influence me more than the creator. Even now, tears stream down my face as I think about wasted opportunities, lost chances and what if's. As I get older (no comments please) I have tried to escape from the approval of others. I have tried to throw off my addiction to approval. This is my life, my time, my gift. God has given it to me and me alone to live. The old saying is true "it's hard to teach an old dog new tricks". I struggle every day trying to live the life that God intended for me. Just when I think I am ready to move I get lost in the guilt and shame of what others might think of me. I know that many others wrestle with this same affliction. So join me in the journey, share your story and together lets live this gift called our life. "This is your life, are you who you want to be?"

Think about it!

Peace

Ralph

Fathers Love

A little over a week ago was Father's Day. As a father I love the idea of Father's Day. It reminds me of the joy, challenge, and honor it is to be a dad. I have been a dad over 19 years now and it never fails to make me cry when I think about my kids. I remember it like it was yesterday when my first son Christopher was born. His birth was much anticipated and celebrated. When the day finally came for him to be born I was a basket case. I didn't know if I would be ready to be a dad. My dad did the best he could but there were so many wounds and pain handed to me at the words of my father. I was afraid that I would never be able to love my child enough or give him what he needed. But the day came, ready or not. He was delivered via C-section and I remember the marvel of seeing him brought forth from my wife's abdomen. All I could do was weep as I saw this little human be delivered into this world and into my arms. All I could say was "my son". I wept like a baby as I held this child in my arms. It's that picture of love that has helped me understand the love of the Father. The Father looks at each of us and weeps with tears of joy because of his overwhelming love for us. It's like the Father calls out to us "my child' and weeps over us with joy.

I recently had lunch with a friend who was talking about the antics and phrases that a little child had shared. My friend had tears of joy as they shared the experience of interacting with this child. That is a picture of Father's love. He loves us and watches over us with great joy. Even when we stumble or fail Father still weeps over us with joy. He longs for us to know him and to experience his love.

Maybe this is not your experience as a parent or a child, if not I understand. But Father is wanting to break through our brokenness and our past wounds to help us see him in a new, life changing way. That's the Good News! Father loves us and there is nothing we can do to make Him love us less or to cause Him to love us more. Just like my little baby didn't have to do a thing to experience my love, neither do we have to do anything to experience and know the perfect love of Father. No matter where you are today or what you have done, Father is looking at you with love in his heart and tears in his eyes. He celebrates your life.

Peace
Ralph